totalblamblam

Opus 19-3, G minor

• The mute musicians arrived on stage, moving instruments around making loud noises on a very quiet room. It was a large ballroom turned in to stage. Everybody sat around the musicians, while they say in the middle, at the center of the room with some heavy lights lighting their chairs and gadgets.
• She was pleased at the mute and weird sounds, that made everybody uncomfortable, “get this thing going” everybody must be thinking. She enjoyed the annoying common little sounds musicians make as they set to play music. She liked feeling so eager, yet so irrelevant in a room filled with expectators.
• She wasn’t ready, remember, she wasn’t ready for anything at all. For one travelling and prancing amongst the faces of the people sitting across her, to her far left she saw a wave of black thick hair, a small almost disappearing beard, bright blue eyes and round reddish lips. Beneath it all, some clumsy looking hands, sitting across bony looking legs, puffin up a pair of black slacks. The head tilted to one side, she couldn’t think of anything else, but this.
• She caught a glimpse of some awkward looking shoes, twitching and moving back and forth with frantic desperation, “it” must be nervous, or anxious she thought. “It” was painful to watch, just as the music starting to sound was painful to hear.
• So much pain, yet so much beauty bursting from it all. Pain bubbling at the brim of a fountain, waters flowing she imagined, waters pouring on her face, her body underneath a cool sudden burst of rain one afternoon she couldn’t remember well. All memories of passing happiness came rushing to the back of her mind. “This must mean something”, she heard an ethereal being whisper in to her ear.
• The creature sitting across her didn’t show signs of life, beyond the twitching foot and the nervous hands. The eyes were gentle, softly but deeply looking at the stage. She couldn’t and wouldn’t gaze away from “it”. As far as she knew, “it” was there for her and for her only, and she was determined to live it all the way. Without being able to close her eyes to wet her iiris again and again, she felt as if she had somehow gained a sudden power to see further and deeper that her eyes allowed her, she felt as if coming out of her skin being able to watch beyond the stars on to the center of the universe.
• She was not prepared for feelings, nor was she prepared to realize how unique this was to her. Only her, in that entire room would know about this moment, nobody else would ever know. That idea made her sadder than any other event ever could, the sadness of that passing feeling a feeling she wanted to hold on to was too unbearable.
• The music was playing now, she only thought “what a marvelous soundtrack to this vision”, while feeling how her breath, how the movements of her respiration became coordinated with the rhythm of the music. In-out-in…out-out… while at the same time “it” became more at ease, she could tell his foot and hands had stopped convulsing while he sat back and put a slight smile on his face. “His”, there…she had said it. It had personality, it was real, it became flesh and bone all of a sudden.
• She watched on, and became thankful to pain as a thousand tears appeared in her eyes, to end their short lives at her lap and at her fingers and lips. She listened to the music, which forced such fluids to jump out of her without resistance. She listened, she cried and she was content, “This must be satisfaction, this is what it feels like, its having something so real, living it all the way, yet being prepared to let go when its time, that’s what it is, so be it, I´m satisfied”.
• The music kept pouring out, as did the waters, as did the beauty, as did the pain, as did time. And then, it was all over, or some thing’s were at least. Life, or some form of it carried on.

Notes